Thoughts...

I'm sitting in my room right now. It's raining outside, and I'm not too sure what to do with myself. I feel very alone. I hate fighting, and that's exactly what's happened today. I tried to not think about it by getting out of the house and going for a walk, but I got as far as the main road and then turned around. *David and I were supposed to go on a date tonight. I think he forgot about it being this weekend (today) instead of next weekend. So I called him up this afternoon to see if he was still interested in going, and I said something like "Hey David, this is Kyle. I was wondering if you were still planning on going on a date with me tonight. If you aren't that's okay and I'll just assume you aren't interested anymore and this will be the last time you ever hear from me." We hadn't talked to each other in about two days. He called me back right away (I had left a voice mail) and he said that he thought the concert was next weekend instead of this weekend, and said he was sorry and felt really bad. I don't know. The whole conversations that we had seem to be a blur in my head. I can't seem to pull myself out of this funk that I am in. I HATE FIGHTING. I'm not gonna lie, I've slept a good chunk of the day away, but no one is here right now. I hate being alone, and I feel very alone right now. I ended up apologizing to David and asked him if we could talk on the phone tonight. He said that would be fine. Only now I'm not sure I want to call him. I'm scared to honestly. I'm not sure what I want. I know I like David, a lot, but I also know that he has a lot of money, and that intimidates me. Sometimes I feel like if I don't say the right thing, or wear the right clothes, that he's not going to like me. He just doesn't seem like the kind of person to be an asshole about it though. When we went on our date a week ago, it was amazing. Honestly it was one of the best dates I have ever been on. I kind of want to get him something to show him I'm sorry, although I have no idea what. It makes me wonder how our next date is going to go. I feel like things started off so well, and then everything just crumbled. And I'll be honest, I want to do something with him. I don't care if it's going for a walk in the park, looking at the stars, I don't care what it is. But I think he will be busy this whole weekend and won't have time. I can't believe that things were going so well last weekend, and this weekend it's totally different. I hate it so much. Anyways, I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I feel a little bit like crying. Who knows, maybe that will help. In any case, I'm going to stop writing now. I don't know that it's helping anyways.