Hey Everyone...Some Recent Thoughts

Wow! I can't believe its been ten days since I last posted...or longer. I haven't been working a lot lately. The phones will be dying down until January so I've been sent home a lot. It sucks because then I don't get paid, and I need the money. December is not a good time to be without it. I ordered some of the gayest clothes from a catalog today. I can't wait till they get here! I wonder if its possible to be straight and still wear nice clothes? Anyways I have more to talk about. Since I don't want to use anyones name in my blogs, I will just call the person I'm about to speak of "Dobby" (by the way, I love Harry Potter) . So I feel like I need to repent, as Dobby and I have had sex twice now and I promised it wouldn't happen again. I wish I could get in a place where I feel comfortable with the Church. I go through these phases where all I can think about or do is Church related, and then I don't have anything to do with the Church for a few months. And then I go back to it. It feels like a vicious cycle. But its like because I've been without the Church for so long for those few months, that I can't get enough to fill my soul. Dobby and I are going to have conversations after the holidays about where we are going and what the heck I am going to do. I have to admit its nice not to sleep alone, but Dobby cannot just cuddle. It seems he must have sex a lot, especially with younger guys. I also have to say that I'm afraid to move out. I've become comfortable where I am, and I don't trust myself enough to live on my own. What I mean by that is that I don't think I will be able to handle taking myself to counseling appointments, paying my bills, and staying on top of the medication that makes me able to live my life for now. So, if anyone wants or needs a roomate, I'm looking for one, preferably with LDS standards. I can't wait till Christmas. I've asked for a digital camera this year, and if thats the only thing my family gets me, I will be totally happy. Well, I need to go to bed. Its 12:17 am here and I'm sleepy and have to work tomorrow. Oh, and what am I listening to right now? The Mormon Tabernacle Choir and their version of "Faith in Every Footstep" which is one of my favorite hymns. Also I just wanted to add that I am having a hard time even going to Church now because I don't think that my bishop will even give me a limited use recommend as long as I am living where I am. I've met with him enough that I've kind of got that feeling. No matter how consistently I pay my tithing, go to Church, etc. I will not get a temple recommend until I move out and find a new bishop. Oh well, not to worried about it now. I just wanted to get some things off my chest. My life is going well otherwise. Happy reading y'all. ~Kyle