Sacrament Meeting

To be honest, I've wondered a lot whether or not the Church was the healthiest place for me. I really don't like how they seem to view everything as black and white, like there is no gray area. I have so many gay friends who I've seen real love in. Some are married, some aren't. But I can still see that they genuinely love each other, and I wish the Church could see that. I actually came out to the Sunday School teacher in my ward today. When I was gone for eight months and came back two weeks ago, she was the only person that said hello to me (besides the Bishop, but he kinda has to say hello lol.)

She is not like most Mormons you meet, and she made some really awesome comments at the close of the lesson. The lesson had something to do with temples, I'm not quite sure what lol. She started talking about temple recommends, and to not feel bad or beat yourself up if you don't have one. This really hit me hard, because most Mormons don't think about others who may not be fortunate enough to have a recommend. I think a lot of them just assume that since you attend Church every Sunday, then you must have one. She talked about how we were lucky to live in the valley where there were so many temples and she was even guilty herself for not going as often as she felt she should have. I think so many times so many Mormons focus on perfection, and they look down on others who don't have a temple recommend (even a limited use one) and feel that they aren't faithful, or are sinning or something. I told her that her lesson was great and then I started tearing up and crying, telling her that I was a gay Mormon trying to stay faithful, and didn't have a recommend.

I talked a bit about Prop 8 and how it made me feel as an active member of the Church, yet a gay one. I expressed my thanks to her that she acknowledged in her lesson those of us who may not be fortunate enough to carry a temple recommend, sometimes through no fault of our own. I told her she made me cry because she seemed to understand and have a heart for those that aren't fortunate enough to have a recommend, and again expressed my sadness and frustrations with proposition 8, then thanked her for understanding my plight, and I went to sacrament meeting. People like her seem to definitely not be the norm here in Utah, so it was nice to actually see someone who was living their faith like that. She didn't look at me any differently, and she even sat one row up from me in Sacrament meeting, which was cool. I think it's important for gay Mormons to be out in their wards if they can, so the Church and the Church members don't just keep plugging ahead with their blinders on and pretending like we aren't there or we don't exist. So many Church members have that mentality that if they can't see it, it isn't happening. Oh well. Thanks for reading.